As a believer, the majority of us understand the depth of what it means to follow Jesus and the seriousness in following his commandments. Often times, you find your heart is wanting to do everything He asks you to do because when you love someone you would do anything for them. I do not know if you guys can relate with me, but for me the thought of forgiving someone “70 times 7 times in a day” has to be one of the biggest challenges I have encountered in my journey of faith.
Forgiveness, in comparison to the parable of the sower is similar to the thorns of the world used to choke up the seeds of the sower from cultivating onto good soil in the lives of people (Matt 13:3-9). To further explain the parable, the good soil is a representation of your heart and the seeds are the word of God. It seemed as if the more I sowed seeds, the more chocked I would get and eventually my heart would swell from the pain of constantly getting pricked.
One thing I noticed with unforgiveness is that it’s not just time that heals all wounds, but it is a conscious decision we have to make to sow seeds on good soil. The focus is on the state of your heart and the commitment you make to continue to forgive, which is planting seeds on good soil. Moving on from the situation is not necessarily letting it go and sadly enough you will find yourself right back to the thorns. You are the conductor, you choose to forgive, Jesus cannot forgive for you. The longer you choose to remain in unforgiveness, the more delayed you will be in reaping from your harvest.
Unforgiveness may be the main root, but it has many connections that contribute to growing a fruitless tree. Personally, it was hard for me to let go because I felt like holding on was my way of seeking revenge and in some weird way having the person who offended me feel what I felt. I was drinking the poison believing that the other person would die, but evidently I was the one dying. I became like a ticking bomb; I pretended as if everything was fine, but when I was offended again, it threw me off completely. I had lost all complete zeal for relationships and all desire to seek God.
After my aunt who was like a mother passed, I became numb and had developed a heart of stone.
I had never felt this low in my entire life and I felt like I was in a continuous cycle. I remember being so angry with God for taking her away, so angry with myself that I lacked the motivation to continue. I became a serious case of instability and complacency. I had no will of my own and got energy from those around me, I depended on people for encouragement, a word, or for prayer instead of relying on the Spirit who lived inside me. The fighter in me gave up and soon after everything around me overwhelmed me. Because I chose to keep all of the pains and hurts, it continued the cycle of unforgiveness in my life. I began to doubt and fear crippled me. Although I doubted God, He still remained faithful and made me to realize that I am honoured in his sight and that he loves me (Isaiah 43:3).
My only prayer is this: the more I release unto the Lord and fully commit myself to forgive is when I will truly begin to love people no matter what they may do to hurt me.
Blessings and love,